From Prairie Fences to Prostrations: My 10-Year Detour Into Emptiness

You know that eternal question adults throw at kids: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Most kids had an answer ready, doctor, teacher ect... For me, I just drifted along with whatever the crowd was saying because I honestly had no clue. Looking back now, I realize I simply didn’t have the vocabulary for it. To this day, I still struggle to find the right words, because what I actually wanted to be was...Emptiness.

The Great Canadian Van-Gazing Epiphany

When I was about 6 or 7 I was driving through the prairie farmland in Southern Alberta, staring out the window at that massive expanse. The sun, the heat, and those fenceposts—going by 1-by-1-by-1 as the astorvan sped past. I was hypnotized by the scene when a realization hit me: “What makes this REAL?” I couldn't grasp anything; nothing felt tangible, not even my mother in the front seat. It made me uneasy, but it was like I’d found the "in" to a secret maze. I believe this is why I could never pick a career as a kid. I didn't want a job; I wanted to be there. In the non-real. In the non-ness.

The Paradox of the Last Decade

It took me until my late 30s to find a formal Buddhist practice. Over the last ten years, it has given me a few answers, but mostly it has led me to a point where there are no answers—and honestly, the paradox is laughable!

Here are the top four things I’ve picked up on the path:

1. Trust (The Wildest Ride)

Trust in the universe. Trust that every moment is just a moment. When my world spins too fast, my brain operates at 100 mph, or my body feels uncomfortable, I have to come back to that trust. Wanting more than I have is just a recipe for suffering. Trusting the universe is a much better ride than "getting what I want." It’s the path that benefits all beings.

2. Stop Resisting (The Quapel Wake-Up Call)

My teacher, Quapel, once shouted this in class, “ STOP RESISTING!!!”, looking straight at me. I thought, "Dude, I’m just sitting here, in dharma class… I'm not resisting anything!" But looking deeper, I realized I was resisting so much, in my mind—especially the instructions. If he asked for 10,000 Chenrezig mantras, I’d think, "I've done plenty of those, I'll do my other one instead." I learned that my resistance was my own mind blocking progress. Now? I try to listen, hear the message, STOP RESISTING and get on with it.

3. Diligence (Face the Cushion)

Diligence is hard, but facing the hardness makes it easier. If you miss a day of meditation, don't let it be three. Get back on that meditation horse! If you haven't done your prostrations, don't look away. Just putting on those prostration gloves is half the battle. People ask what I do with my spare time. Between sports and painting, I choose the foundation work. I want it that bad.

4. Merit (Love is the Base)

I’ve never been an "academic" type; regurgitating facts for grades was never my thing. But I "get" this: Love and compassion are the base. You don’t need to memorize every sutra to understand that being of service to your teacher, your Sangha, your family,your community and yourself feels incredible and it benefits everything and everyone!   I keep that at the forefront of my busy "Rasha mind" every single day.

The Wrap-Up

So, while I'm still that same kid staring out the minivan window at the "non-real," now I’ve at least got a cushion, and a slightly less "resisty" brain to keep me company. Whether I’m swimming kilometers or doing mandala offerings, it turns out "being emptiness" is actually a full-time job with great benefits (...and zero dental 😂). I might still have a "Rasha mind" that moves faster than a prairie wind, but as long as there’s love at the base, I’m just happy to be on this weird, wild ride.

Love Rasha